trust the process.

Sometimes I toss out these words to others, and neglect to tell them to myself. Even when I do pause and say, "trust the process, Kate", the next step, actually listening to them is an even bigger challenge.

So, "trust the process", what does that even mean? Just like any other phrase, I believe it is up for interpretation - the beauty being that it can mold to, adapt and take shape to any heart and soul's need at any given time. For this soul, right now, it means letting go. Letting go of control, letting go of the outcome, letting go of the need to know the next step, letting go of the need of approval from others...AND believing that something much bigger is working in my life that has my back. 

It reads so lovely, right? But, when life doesn't go my way, the words become painful. I actually begin to resent them. I fall into a self pity pot and loose all faith that things are going to work out and that I'm going to be OK. I quickly go down the rabbit hole of "what if's" and "I'm not good enough" and "if only's" when I find disappointment in an outcome. I think the whole world is against me and the restraints of success are pulling back. I begin to believe, once again, I'm undeserving of true happiness because I didn't get what I thought I wanted. Key word: thought. Because we all think we know what we want. Right?

Through my various life experiences however, I have found that when I am patient and accept the situation, eventually, it turns out something much BIGGER happens down the road. 

Allow me to revert back to my previous blog about moving to Charleston to start over. I thought I would go right back into hospitality at one of the numerous top hotels Charleston has to offer. I mean, my background of serving tables at 5-star hotels on the beaches of Florida and opening a Four Seasons Hotel had any hotel job here in the bag...so I thought. 

I didn't get a call back from a single hotel. Not even for a front desk job, which in my mind, I was over-qualified for. At this point in my life, the word humble hadn't quite been added to my vocabulary mind you. Humility though, came rather quickly with this job search experience, as I soon took a position as a cashier and food runner at a local deli in town. I was slingin' Banh Mi's and two egg breakfasts like a boss! And you know, I really loved it. It was easy and fun and got me out of self. It was exactly what I needed at that time in my life. No pressure. Most importantly, it created space and time for the door to open to the career I have now, which has been such a blessing and growth platform for a me as a professional woman. 

In my yoga journey, trusting the process has been also very trying. It is really difficult and intimidating to walk into a room of yogi's when you have no clue what you are doing. Some class members are jumping into handstands to warm up, others twisting their bodies in foreign ways to prepare the spine for what is to come in class. And here I am, taking child's pose because I don't know what else to do to appear part of the crowd. Most of my early yoga classes were spent ogling other yogi's moves wondering if my body looked like theirs and judging myself for not lunging as low or balancing as effortlessly. I was a wobbly little thing. Still am.

I soon came to realize, that if I was going to create space in my life for this yoga adventure, which I felt a magnetic pull toward, I was going to have to drop all of this worry and doubt; Drop the need for looking good, let go of caring what other's thought of my wonky eagle legs (still wonky), drop expectations of my body's movement and wondering if my waistline hung over my pants, and just trust the process of how it was working for me. Not for anyone else. And when I did all of this, my practice became a practice. 

I felt free and strong. Beautiful and brave. I felt open and healthy- ready for all of life's possibilities. I trusted that if I fell, maybe someone would side eye me, but that was OK, because they have probably fell out of that pose once or twice too. I trusted the modifications I had to take to understand the poses and I trusted deeply that yoga was about to become something BIG for me! I didn't know just what that meant yet, I still don't, but that's the point!

Today, with this yoga adventure, I have chosen to trust the process and let go. I believe that how yoga is destined to show up in my life for me, and for others, will continue to unfold. When I start to try to take the control back, I remind myself that I don't know what is best for me, but something/someone bigger than me does. I have let go of the outcome of this journey to create space for gratitude and contentment for all that does happen in it.

The question remains, what does trusting the process look like for you? Does it involve work, family, love? All of these things? Me too. You aren't alone. 

Trust the process. Let go. I dare you.